I don't know whether to laugh or cry?

So, as the story goes.... ....Once upon a time.... there was a girl with OCD. Yes it's me. Anyway, I've struggled, everyday I get up and try hard, either to not be the person I was, not walk in the shoes of my example of motherhood, you know the story. But today the unfortunate happened. You see, I'm dog sitting my neighbors dogs and apparently when we leave I say their names back and forth; Dixie, Winnie, Winnie, Dixie just to register in my brain that they are inside and good to go. I used to do it with my dogs before I left for work everyday. You know to keep from having to go back and check, because that's what OCD is: Obsessing, Compusively! It's not an idiosyncrasy, it's a PAIN in the B_ tt!

Back to the story, today as we are leaving the neighbors house, Abba speaks up and says "Winnie, Dixie, Dixie, Winnie". I stopped. I was stunned! What did she just say? No, it couldn't. YES, she did. See, I didn't realize I had said it out loud, I don't even think I realized I was doing it again. Not conciously anyway. No matter how hard I try to be "better" I will still stumble and fall. Sometimes, they will hear me and sometimes they won't. The point is, I can't "cure" this myself. If I really want help, I have to ask through prayer, that I won't have OCD and that I won't corrupt my kids. And don't we all know we can't do that with out some Almighty Power our my side? I know I can't, so let us pray...

Dear Lord, thank you for helping me to laugh at myself in order to cry out for your help. Because, today and everyday I can't do it alone. I need you in all the ways I lack as a mother, friend, and wife. Please help me not to punish myself for failing, but to seek your guidance to become a daughter you would be proud of. Thank you for loving me and never giving up on me. Amen